• Audacious Fool

The Final Battles Pt. 2

Updated: Oct 20

September 30, 2016 157 Days Before Daniel Dies


Past Self will echo into the silence, begging for a response, “I just want to tell you that I haven’t given up on you. I’ll definitely give you space to figure everything out. Maybe you’ll find your way back to me or maybe you won’t. I just want you to know that I don’t hate you and I haven’t lost faith in you.”



She will sit in the deafening silence and just hope her light can shine Daniel’s way back home.


October 2, 2016 155 Days Before Daniel Dies


Past Self will continue to try again, “I’m sorry you’re in so much pain and that you think life won’t get better. But I always believed in you and I won’t stop wishing the best for you because I know you have magic inside of you.”


Daniel will shoo her away when he says, “I don’t want or need you.”


October 16, 2016 141 Days Before Daniel Dies


Daniel will try to explain, “I’m sorry I’m hurting you. I don’t hate you, I never could. It’s just easier if we don’t talk.”


Past Self will sit in agony, “It’ll make what easier?”


October 26, 2016 131 Days Before Daniel Dies


On this day, love will prove to conquer all because Daniel will fight back everything inside him wanting to die, so he can ask to see me.


He’ll feel bad and add, “Only if you want.”


Past Self will scream with joy, “It’s cute that you act like it isn’t obvious that I’m dying to see you.”


This began the dance Past Self would have with both the cruelest and gentlest parts of Daniel. She would become confused at which one was the real one.


November 6, 2016 120 Days Before Daniel Dies


This will cause Past Self to be confused by Daniel’s intentions when he asks about her day.


“Daniel, you don’t love me. You got bored of me. You weren’t enjoying yourself. You want me, but not just me. You want my body, but I otherwise have nothing to offer. I have nothing interesting to say. If you feel all that for me, it doesn’t make sense for you to care about my day.”


Daniel will say, “Just go and think what you want.”


She will plead, “I’m confused whether you love me or hate me. Somethings you say make it seem like you were bored. But others, like you’re trying to protect me from you. You’re sending me mixed signals, Daniel. Just tell me what you really feel for me.”


What she didn’t understand is that she was confused because he was confused by his very existence.


He will reply, “I don’t want to keep doing this. I’m sorry for losing feelings.”


She will reply, “As long as you know that all I want is for you to be happy. I don’t care if it’s not with me. I would be happy for you.”


She missed the sign that he was talking about losing feelings for life.


November 7, 2016 119 Days Before Daniel Dies


Past Self will make sure that he knows, “You can always come talk to me.”


He’ll say it’s not the same.


She will keep trying, “What is the same is that I’ll always want you to be okay. I will always care if you’re in trouble or need someone to vent. You can always lean on me if you need.”


He’ll say, “I don’t want to lean on you. I don’t want you to want to lean on me but I’m not there.”


Future Self will say, “Yeah, that's the worst possible feeling.”


Always with love,


Audacious Fool

#survivorsguilt #deathbysuicide #lightinthedark #comehome #grievingprocess #adventureblog #griefblog #notetoself #griefwarrior #traumainformed #suicideawareness #deepestthoughts #mentalhealthmatters #lovedones #smilingontheoutside #sufferinginsilence


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